Dishpan Hands

My husband is a pessimist. I would go as far as saying that he (and his mother, he gets it honest) has turned pessimism into an art form. The first thing he says when you call him is, "Is something wrong?". He even has a list of places that he will not live because of the probability of some sort of natural disaster occurring there. No wonder the man doesn't sleep well. He is ALWAYS worrying about something. Today was a day he has been worrying about for several days, the dreaded crop survey. This is when the banker comes to the farm to look at the crops, I guess to make sure that the money we borrowed was actually spent on putting a crop in and not on some extravagant European vacation, who knows. I tried my best to be positive and encouraging this morning.....I even busted out in a chorus of Standing On the Promises. I called him after the meeting. This was basically our conversation...."So, how was your meeting?" "It was fine." "Well, what did he say?" "Not much, looks good." Really? All that stress and anxiety for nothing! But we all do it, don't we? The other night I was reading some of the entries in my prayer journal from last year. It is really cool to see answered prayers, but also sad at some of the things that I let upset me so badly. I have tried for years to put into words why I worry about things when I believe that God is in control of everything. Leave it to C.S. Lewis to find the words for me (by the way, I LOVE C.S. Lewis, we think on the same level.) "We're not doubting that God will do the best for us, we're wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." Exactly. Let's face it, we aren't really content just being comfortable, what we really want is to be pampered. Back in June my dishwasher broke. It didn't just break, it caught on fire. I have not had a dishwasher since. Now before you go feeling to sorry for me, let me be completely honest. It's not that I can't afford "A" dishwasher, the problem is that I can't afford "THE" dishwasher. You can buy a Plain Jane dishwasher for about $150. The one I want costs closer to $800. It's stainless steel, has special racks, runs quietly, etc., etc. Comfortable vs Pampered, and I am choosing to wait for Pampered. All that being said, I have still not failed to miss an opportunity to tell sympathetic ears how I have been hand washing my families dishes for 3 months. A true martyr of good stewardship, or as my friend Marcita would say, "suffering for Jesus." I have so much to learn about really appreciating the blessings I have been given. But God doesn't give up, He keeps using the little things to open my heart to all He has to offer me. And that is the biggest blessing of all!

Living Like the Sun/Son

In the early 1300's the Persian poet, Hafiz, penned these words, "Even after all this time the Sun never says to the Earth, 'You owe me.' Look what happens with a love like that. It lights up the whole sky." We have a lot in common with the Sun. We both exist to provide light to this world we live in. If the Sun doesn't expect anything in return, why do we? After reading this quote, I started thinking about the last 10 or so times I got mad at someone or had my feelings hurt. What caused me to get upset? Every instance was a little different, but basically I was not being treated the way I thought I deserved to be treated. Something was not going my way or I was forced to adjust my behavior to accomadate someone else's mistake. Jesus tells us there are two rules we must follow. #1 Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. And #2, love your neighbor as yourself. If you do both of these things to the very best of your ability, everything else will fall into place. Two little rules. Why in the world do we have so much trouble with them? Why would we rather read 100 Things You Can Do to Please God  than follow these two simple rules? Simple.....because to love like that means we have to ignore ourselves. Ignore our wants, our desires, our feelings. And lets face it, we don't want to do that. I mean, we are good people, right? We try to do nice things for other people. How dare someone not speak to me in the hallway at church! How dare they give all the credit to so-and-so when it is obvious that I worked on it way harder than they did! How dare my husband ask me to run errands for him tomorrow! Doesn't he realize everything I do around here? Nobody in this house appreciates me! I give and give and not a single thank you! Do they think those clothes just washed themselves? I can't believe how slow these people are driving! I am in a hurry! They need to take their "Sunday drive" somewhere else.....How much happier would we be if we just stopped expecting appreciation, recognition, and praise from other people? If we tried to live life the way Jesus commanded us to do? Look what happens with a love like that. It lights up the whole sky.

Learning Some Lessons

I am excited. Want to know why? Because God is teaching me some really awesome things right now. About who He is, what He stands for, how much He loves me, and just how very powerful He really is. I realize that He teaches us things every day through His word, our circumstances, etc. But this is different. Be jealous, because I am convinced that God is giving me private tutoring lessons! Things are just jumping off the page when I read my Bible, Bro. James is preaching sermons just for my benefit, and I promise you that when I pray, I can almost hear a still small voice in the background. Sometimes it says yes, sometimes it says no, sometimes it laughs, but most of all I feel encouraged and strengthened by it. I have learnt so much about contentment in the past few months, and I can honestly say that I pretty much am. Just one example of this......I have been scanning catalogs and online stores for months, dreaming about all of the things I WISH I had. For my birthday Phillip gave me several hundred dollars to spend on anything I wanted. I was SO stinking excited! But I found myself putting clothes in the virtual shopping bags.....then deleting them. I had waited so long and now......well, they just didn't impress me anymore. I'm not saying I am never going to want anything again. I mean, come on, a girl wants to look nice. What I'm saying is I am not wishing and hoping for something that won't even be in style two years from now. And it's pretty cool to have some money stashed away to use on whatever.
I am also learning to wait. "Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He will strengthen your heart." Psalm 27:14 Yesterday I read the book of Job. Don't we all feel like we are just like poor Job when trouble comes our way? If you just know the story and have never read the book, I encourage you to read it. Because in Sunday school you learn how Job was so awesome that no matter what Satan threw at him, he was good with it. But that's really not the case at all. No doubt, Job was a good guy. He never cursed God. But he was also human and a whole lot like me. He never hated God for what was happening to him, but he sure didn't just sit there and take it. He told God he didn't deserve it. He questioned if God realized what He was doing and who He was doing it to. And like me, he was ready to conceide without even finishing the ballgame. Basically, God is awesome, but He can't fix THIS mess! My favorite part of the story is when God has finally heard enough. "Where where YOU when I created the earth? Who determined its measurements? Surely, YOU know!......Have YOU ever ordered the morning to wake up?.....Shall the one who contends with the Almighty correct Him?" I can't even read those last five chapters without saying "I'm sorry" like a hundred times! I truly believe that God wants us to ask Him questions, and He really cares about how we want something to work out. (We might as well say it. It's not like He doesn't already know.) But what He doesn't want is a daily pity party about what we want, when we want it, etc. etc. He simply wants us to wait. Wait on Him. He is in total control, whether we like it or not. We can argue with Him.....or we can rest with Him.

July Rain

God rained down blessings on our little farm last night. Literally. Two inches of blessings to be exact. That's a really nice rain anytime, but in July when the irrigation wells never stop and you can actually see the misery the poor plants feel as they search for any drop of moisture they can find, WOW! THANK YOU! I just got off the phone with Phillip and he didn't even sound the same. He has excitement in his voice and optimism in his heart. Just like the plants, he was dry and thirsty and he has been quenched. Quenched by the reminder that God is good all the time. Wait on the Lord and He will provide. :)

BLESSINGS

Copying the idea of a friend, here is my first list of blessings. If I never made another list, these would certainly be enough! :)

1. Phillip - He is without a doubt, the best husband and father EVER! The hardest working man I know and ALWAYS puts his family before himself. But best of all, he is a wonderful spiritual example for the kids and for me. You just don't find guys like him every day.
2. Alex - The counselor of our family. If their is a bomb that needs to be diffused, Alex is the one to call. He has a wonderful gift of being able to see every side of a story.
3. Alison - She is just a ray of sunshine. Always happy and looking for the positive. I can't even count the number of times I have been in a really bad mood and completely forgot why after talking and laughing with Alison.
4. Lauren - She is a spit-fire. Always ready and willing to speak her mind and I admit, we clash, ALOT. But even though she is tough on the outside, she is probably the most sensitive member of our family. To know her is to love her.
5. Alicia - She has a very quite demeanor, but don't be fooled, she is full of passion. She is super smart and quick witted and hilarious (especially when you get her going.) I also love that she loves to visit. I always have company even if everyone else has scattered.
6. Tate - He's the baby of the family, which has it's up's and down's, but he is a very giving person. He is a super hard worker and he loves to give to others, whether it be by doing a favor or giving a gift. Don't try to just tack his name on a b-day or Christmas present, he's giving his own!
7. Marcita - I have know Marcita for a long time, but we have become really good friends in the last couple of years. She is my buddy, my BFF, my confidant, and my biggest fan. One of the most generous and humble people I know. And as Phillip says, "She's a TRUE friend." Yes she is. And I love her for it.
8. My Valley Kids Kindergarten Class - These kids are a HOOT! I look forward to Wednesday nights and can't wait to see them. They have reminded me how much I love to teach and I am thankful for the opportunity.
9. Valley Baptist Church - I said back in January that it felt like "home" and 6 months later that feeling has only grown stronger. Everytime I walk in the doors I feel like I am going to a friends house. I have never felt more welcome anywhere and I am honored to be a part of that fellowship.
10. Friends - I couldn't list everyone, but I am honored to call some of the finest people in the world my friends. God has truly blessed me by placing so many wonderful, Christian people in my life.

Well, there it is. My first Top 10 Blessings List. And there is not a single material thing on that list (not that I don't have many of them to remember, but that will come later.) But it is nice to see that the most important things in life are not things, but relationships.

What's There to Complain About?

This year has been a good reminder that life is just not easy. If it's not something, it's something else. If it wasn't for bad luck, I would have no luck at all. Blah, blah, blah. It is so easy to get dragged down by the what if's, I wish, and if only's. And I am just as (or more) guilty as everyone else for falling into that trap. But the truth of the matter is, we are sinning when we do that. And the more I think about it, it's a pretty big sin. One capable of destroying our relationship with our Father. Because when you strip that complaining and grumbling down, what we are saying is God does not provide for us like He should and that He is not capable or willing to provide for us in the future. Ouch! Ask any one of us if we think that is true and I would be willing to bet that everyone who reads this blog would say, "No way! God can do ANYTHING!" Then we turn right around and wonder why there is always so much month at the end of the month, why can't "I" have new carpet, landscaping, dishwasher, etc., etc. Don't I "deserve" those things if so and so "deserves" them? Well, I am going to try really, really hard to stop saying things that contridict what I believe to be true. And I am going to be more thankful that God DOESN'T give me what I truly DESERVE, because if He did, I would really be in a mess! I am going to try my best to focus on the blessings that are all around me. In my Kindergarten class on Wednesday nights we have been learning about opening our hearts, ears, eyes, etc. to know God better. It's high time I practice what I preach.

Good Day

For the past few weeks I have been TIRED. Just plain ol' worn out. School this semester is hard, and it has pushed my level of intelligence to the limit. Life is hard, and frankly I am sick and tired of seeing Satan's handy work all over the place. When I went to bed last night I had a dull headache and was just plain grumpy, tired, and frustrated. And then came this morning......WOW! What happened? I feel GREAT! Happy, Content, Motivated. Like the saying goes, "What a difference a day makes!" Yes.....yes it most certainly does........Days like today are the equivalent of your "Love" sending you flowers.....for no reason.....not because it's Valentine's Day or your Birthday or Anniversary......just because he wants you to remember how much he loves you.......Only difference is that this "flower of a day" is from my best friend and my forever love, my Heavenly Father. He knows what I need, exactly when I need it......and He ALWAYS provides.

Home

Home. I am pretty sure I have said (and heard) that word more in the past few weeks than I have in my entire life. Webster's dictionary has several definitions for "home". The first, "The place where one resides." Hmmmmm.....maybe, maybe not. The last, "A place of security and comfort." Now that's more like it! When I think of "home", the first thing that pops into my head is my Gramps' house. I did not reside in that house, but I was truly secure and comfortable there. I can close my eyes and walk through every single room as vividly as if it where yesterday. My parent's house (where I resided) had cable t.v. and a VCR.......Gramps had 5 channels (2,4,7,11, and 8 out of Jonesboro, which had the EXACT same shows as 7, only 30 minutes earlier.) My room at my house had a t.v., stereo, stuffed animals, toys, books and was decorated for a girl my age. The room I stayed in at my Gramps' house had.......nothing. A book (The Lifesavers Club about a girl with diabetes that I probably read 50 times), my Grannie's Bible, and.......well, that's about it. Guess where I always wanted to be? I lived at my "house", but Gramps' house was "home". There I felt important, loved, cherished, respected, needed, wanted......you get the picture. One of my favorite songs is by Audrey Assad called "The House You're Building". My favorite line is, "All this time like a vagabond, a homeless stranger, I've been wandering. All my life you've been calling me, to the home you know, I've been needing......" It's hard to move to a new house because you always end up leaving something behind. You may not even miss it for a long time, but one day something reminds you of it, and suddenly you miss it very much. I can't wait until we are able to call Heaven our "home". We will all worship in the same place, hear the ultimate sermon every day, and graze right under the feet of THE shepherd, FOREVER. And I am pretty positive we will not even have to ask which room is ours....We will already know when we get there.......But until then....."Valley, I'm home!......Where do I put my things?" :)

Square

These past two weeks I have discovered that I am very naive and have apparently lived a very sheltered life. Some of my assignments for school have left me......well, speechless. Let's start with Physical Science Chapter 1. Before they could get into all the important stuff like the Scientific Method, the Laws of Motion, etc., etc. they devoted 2 whole pages to letting me know just how stupid I am for believing that creationism is the way the world began. The authors of this book do not think that astrology is accurate, but they say, "It does not seem very gracious for contemporary science to dismiss astrology in view of the great debt astronomy owes its practitioners of long ago." But they say, "putting evolution and Intelligent Design on the same footing is absurd because it suggests that they have the same intellectual status." (apparently Charles Darwin was way smarter than God. Who knew? *note sarcasm*) I have just never been exposed to that. In high school (and yes, I went to public school) we learned all about evolution, the big bang theory, etc. but all my teachers included that however it all came to be it was God who made it happen........Then last night I was assigned Aristophanes' Lysistrata. O MY! If you have never read this, DON'T! It is nothing more than a testament that perversion and porn are not new ideas.....they had all that in 400 B.C. too. I admit that I have watched (and enjoyed) far to many movies that I probably wouldn't have watched with my grandmother, much less Jesus, and I have sat through a couple of movies that I KNEW I should have just walked out of no matter how much I had paid for the ticket and popcorn. But Lysistrata was just plain vulgar and I have a hard time believing they actually talked like that during that time period, but maybe they did. I don't really care. Anyway........I know all this is supposed to be making me a well-rounded person, but honestly, I am pretty content just being square.

Identity

We have been searching. Searching for the place where we fit, where we belong. It has been a very, VERY long journey. A journey made by two people......one uncomfortable with change and one slow to change......VERY slow to change. We have searched everywhere, the internet, books, the Bible, the minds of those wiser than ourselves......but most importantly, we have searched our hearts. And we are finding answers to our questions. One of the most important questions we have asked is, "How do we want to be identified?" So I ask myself, how DO I identify myself and just what exactly do I believe to be true? What I found is not just something I believe, it is something I KNOW.....something that will never change no matter what I read, watch, or hear........I am a baptized believer of Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ who was placed in the womb of a virgin by God's own hand, Jesus Christ who spent his life living and teaching who God is and showing us that God is love. God is joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Jesus Christ who died a miserable death that he did not deserve, because he knew that I would deserve it. Jesus Christ that defeated death and sits on the right hand of God today. Alive. Moving. Working. Jesus Christ that is not only my salvation, but my hope and my joy, because with little between he and I, it takes very little to make me happy, but with a lot between he and I, almost nothing can make me happy. Jesus Christ who somedays is proud of me, somedays is frustrated with me, and somedays is dissapointed in me......but ALWAYS loves me. Jesus Christ who is sitting on the edge of his throne waiting for God to say, "GO!" so he can come back to take me home.
That is my identity.......that is what I believe and what I know. Nothing else matters.

The Funk

I am in a funk. I don't know a better word to describe it. It is really nothing new that is happening, just a lot of decisions that have to be made and no answers to make them with. I am hesitant to make a decision because I am afraid I will make the wrong one. I am not big on change.......at all. I am one of those rare people who could vacation in the same place every year and be content. It's not that I can't handle any sort of change......life is constantly changing.....it's just the big stuff that gets to me. And here lately every time I think I have found an answer, the door shuts in my face. So, I am trying to wait patiently for God to open the  door (or window) for me. But, patience is not my greatest virtue either......so for now I will just have to sit impatiently in my funk because what else can I do? While waiting in line at Wal-Greens the other day, I was looking at bracelets they had on display. Each one had a positive message or scripture.....half printed on one side, half on the other. One in particular caught my eye. One side said, "Give your problems to God." The flip side......"and leave them there." O, I see the problem now! I've been giving them to Him daily, that's not the problem.......The problem is that I've just been packing them back up afterwards. I think I am going to have to splurge a little and get that bracelet.

Out with the Old

The new year is definetly one of my favorite times of the year. A time of reflection, examination......and PURGING! O how I love to organize! Really, it just makes me happy to take a huge mess and turn it into a controlled mess....ha. Well, at least that is what I think I have been doing in the past......just moving messes around, making them more compact and contained, but still TO MUCH STUFF! I read an article in the December issue of Good Housekeeping where they interviewed a lady that took a year-long pursuit of organization and wrote a book about the journey (why can't I think of this stuff?). She said something that has changed my perspective on my organizing adventure....."If you make everything special, then nothing is special." Now I am no hoarder by any stretch of the imagination, but I do tend to be a bit sentimental when it comes to the kids art projects and such. But, not this time.....I plan to go through each piece and find the "special". And while I'm at it, I believe I will look around at other parts of my life and do the same. Find those extra special people in my life, and instead of packing them away for another day, I will find a way to let them know just how special they are to me......sooner than later.

A New Year

Well, here I go. I have decided to try my hand at the whole "blog thing." The hardest part so far.....trying to think of a name for my blog. I had several.....some corny, some profound, some simple, but at last I settled for this one. Why? I don't really know except that the song from VBS way back when kept popping into my head...."I'm a promise, I'm a possibility, I'm a promise. With a capital P. I'm just a great big bundle of potenuality. And I'm listening to hear God's word and I'm trying to make the right choice. I'm a promise to be, anything God want's me to be." I looked up potentuality in the dictionary to make sure I was spelling it correctly.....I don't think it is a real word but I did notice the definition of potential. "Possible, but not yet actual; having the capacity to be developed." I think that is pretty much my daily walk in a nut shell. I am possible but not yet actual, but I am being developed daily by the Creator of me, you and the universe! I'm a Promise.....with a capital P.