How Will I Ever Say Goodbye?

Thinking about my Kindergartners tonight. Thinking about the look of fear and confusion on their faces when I told them I wouldn't be at school tomorrow. It's only for one day, I PROMISE! I'll be back on Monday. But they don't understand. You see, their regular teacher became very ill several weeks back, and it's been me and them (and a constant stream of substitutes sent in for backup.) Twenty 5 year olds and their student teacher...learning from our mistakes and celebrating every little victory we manage to pull off...and I am proud to say that our days are filled with much more victory than defeat! :)

The problem is that adversity brings you closer, and this class has become my own...but it's not. In three short weeks, I have to give it back. How will I ever be able to leave?

Making a List

This post is not original to me...I stole it.
Well, I stole the idea behind it, anyway.
I discovered a new blog the other day
and it inspired me. Inspired me to make
a list...a list of little things that are big
things to me. Things that make me happy...
things that make me smile.

I like the idea of looking past the obvious and recognizing the little things that make life so enjoyable. Living abundantly by enjoying the simple things that life has to offer.

This is my list. Partial...Incomplete...but it's a start.

Music. Fresh Turned Dirt. Water. Sharp Pencils. Felt Tip Pens. New Crayons. Antique Stores. Cats. English Lavender Soap. Lemon. Birds. Tight Fishing Lines. Perfume. Sound of Crickets. and Frogs Croaking. Snuggling. Down Comforters. Flavored Coffee Creamer. Phillip's Hands. Memories. New Toothbrush. Swinging. Newborn Babies. Laughter. Sunsets. Sweet Tea. Fried Pickles. Green Roses. Kissing. Clean Sheets. Bookstores. Crakling Fires. Smores. Insider Jokes. Biolage Shampoo. Stories Worth Repeating. Painted Toenails. Encouraging Words. Organization. Windex. Flat Irons. Fresh Peaches. White Cotton Socks. Big Cedar. Rainy Days. Naps. Fresh Snow. Soup. Second Chances.

"I have come that you may have life, and have it more abundantly." John 10:10

Dishpan Hands

My husband is a pessimist. I would go as far as saying that he (and his mother, he gets it honest) has turned pessimism into an art form. The first thing he says when you call him is, "Is something wrong?". He even has a list of places that he will not live because of the probability of some sort of natural disaster occurring there. No wonder the man doesn't sleep well. He is ALWAYS worrying about something. Today was a day he has been worrying about for several days, the dreaded crop survey. This is when the banker comes to the farm to look at the crops, I guess to make sure that the money we borrowed was actually spent on putting a crop in and not on some extravagant European vacation, who knows. I tried my best to be positive and encouraging this morning.....I even busted out in a chorus of Standing On the Promises. I called him after the meeting. This was basically our conversation...."So, how was your meeting?" "It was fine." "Well, what did he say?" "Not much, looks good." Really? All that stress and anxiety for nothing! But we all do it, don't we? The other night I was reading some of the entries in my prayer journal from last year. It is really cool to see answered prayers, but also sad at some of the things that I let upset me so badly. I have tried for years to put into words why I worry about things when I believe that God is in control of everything. Leave it to C.S. Lewis to find the words for me (by the way, I LOVE C.S. Lewis, we think on the same level.) "We're not doubting that God will do the best for us, we're wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." Exactly. Let's face it, we aren't really content just being comfortable, what we really want is to be pampered. Back in June my dishwasher broke. It didn't just break, it caught on fire. I have not had a dishwasher since. Now before you go feeling to sorry for me, let me be completely honest. It's not that I can't afford "A" dishwasher, the problem is that I can't afford "THE" dishwasher. You can buy a Plain Jane dishwasher for about $150. The one I want costs closer to $800. It's stainless steel, has special racks, runs quietly, etc., etc. Comfortable vs Pampered, and I am choosing to wait for Pampered. All that being said, I have still not failed to miss an opportunity to tell sympathetic ears how I have been hand washing my families dishes for 3 months. A true martyr of good stewardship, or as my friend Marcita would say, "suffering for Jesus." I have so much to learn about really appreciating the blessings I have been given. But God doesn't give up, He keeps using the little things to open my heart to all He has to offer me. And that is the biggest blessing of all!

Living Like the Sun/Son

In the early 1300's the Persian poet, Hafiz, penned these words, "Even after all this time the Sun never says to the Earth, 'You owe me.' Look what happens with a love like that. It lights up the whole sky." We have a lot in common with the Sun. We both exist to provide light to this world we live in. If the Sun doesn't expect anything in return, why do we? After reading this quote, I started thinking about the last 10 or so times I got mad at someone or had my feelings hurt. What caused me to get upset? Every instance was a little different, but basically I was not being treated the way I thought I deserved to be treated. Something was not going my way or I was forced to adjust my behavior to accomadate someone else's mistake. Jesus tells us there are two rules we must follow. #1 Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. And #2, love your neighbor as yourself. If you do both of these things to the very best of your ability, everything else will fall into place. Two little rules. Why in the world do we have so much trouble with them? Why would we rather read 100 Things You Can Do to Please God  than follow these two simple rules? Simple.....because to love like that means we have to ignore ourselves. Ignore our wants, our desires, our feelings. And lets face it, we don't want to do that. I mean, we are good people, right? We try to do nice things for other people. How dare someone not speak to me in the hallway at church! How dare they give all the credit to so-and-so when it is obvious that I worked on it way harder than they did! How dare my husband ask me to run errands for him tomorrow! Doesn't he realize everything I do around here? Nobody in this house appreciates me! I give and give and not a single thank you! Do they think those clothes just washed themselves? I can't believe how slow these people are driving! I am in a hurry! They need to take their "Sunday drive" somewhere else.....How much happier would we be if we just stopped expecting appreciation, recognition, and praise from other people? If we tried to live life the way Jesus commanded us to do? Look what happens with a love like that. It lights up the whole sky.

Learning Some Lessons

I am excited. Want to know why? Because God is teaching me some really awesome things right now. About who He is, what He stands for, how much He loves me, and just how very powerful He really is. I realize that He teaches us things every day through His word, our circumstances, etc. But this is different. Be jealous, because I am convinced that God is giving me private tutoring lessons! Things are just jumping off the page when I read my Bible, Bro. James is preaching sermons just for my benefit, and I promise you that when I pray, I can almost hear a still small voice in the background. Sometimes it says yes, sometimes it says no, sometimes it laughs, but most of all I feel encouraged and strengthened by it. I have learnt so much about contentment in the past few months, and I can honestly say that I pretty much am. Just one example of this......I have been scanning catalogs and online stores for months, dreaming about all of the things I WISH I had. For my birthday Phillip gave me several hundred dollars to spend on anything I wanted. I was SO stinking excited! But I found myself putting clothes in the virtual shopping bags.....then deleting them. I had waited so long and now......well, they just didn't impress me anymore. I'm not saying I am never going to want anything again. I mean, come on, a girl wants to look nice. What I'm saying is I am not wishing and hoping for something that won't even be in style two years from now. And it's pretty cool to have some money stashed away to use on whatever.
I am also learning to wait. "Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He will strengthen your heart." Psalm 27:14 Yesterday I read the book of Job. Don't we all feel like we are just like poor Job when trouble comes our way? If you just know the story and have never read the book, I encourage you to read it. Because in Sunday school you learn how Job was so awesome that no matter what Satan threw at him, he was good with it. But that's really not the case at all. No doubt, Job was a good guy. He never cursed God. But he was also human and a whole lot like me. He never hated God for what was happening to him, but he sure didn't just sit there and take it. He told God he didn't deserve it. He questioned if God realized what He was doing and who He was doing it to. And like me, he was ready to conceide without even finishing the ballgame. Basically, God is awesome, but He can't fix THIS mess! My favorite part of the story is when God has finally heard enough. "Where where YOU when I created the earth? Who determined its measurements? Surely, YOU know!......Have YOU ever ordered the morning to wake up?.....Shall the one who contends with the Almighty correct Him?" I can't even read those last five chapters without saying "I'm sorry" like a hundred times! I truly believe that God wants us to ask Him questions, and He really cares about how we want something to work out. (We might as well say it. It's not like He doesn't already know.) But what He doesn't want is a daily pity party about what we want, when we want it, etc. etc. He simply wants us to wait. Wait on Him. He is in total control, whether we like it or not. We can argue with Him.....or we can rest with Him.

July Rain

God rained down blessings on our little farm last night. Literally. Two inches of blessings to be exact. That's a really nice rain anytime, but in July when the irrigation wells never stop and you can actually see the misery the poor plants feel as they search for any drop of moisture they can find, WOW! THANK YOU! I just got off the phone with Phillip and he didn't even sound the same. He has excitement in his voice and optimism in his heart. Just like the plants, he was dry and thirsty and he has been quenched. Quenched by the reminder that God is good all the time. Wait on the Lord and He will provide. :)

BLESSINGS

Copying the idea of a friend, here is my first list of blessings. If I never made another list, these would certainly be enough! :)

1. Phillip - He is without a doubt, the best husband and father EVER! The hardest working man I know and ALWAYS puts his family before himself. But best of all, he is a wonderful spiritual example for the kids and for me. You just don't find guys like him every day.
2. Alex - The counselor of our family. If their is a bomb that needs to be diffused, Alex is the one to call. He has a wonderful gift of being able to see every side of a story.
3. Alison - She is just a ray of sunshine. Always happy and looking for the positive. I can't even count the number of times I have been in a really bad mood and completely forgot why after talking and laughing with Alison.
4. Lauren - She is a spit-fire. Always ready and willing to speak her mind and I admit, we clash, ALOT. But even though she is tough on the outside, she is probably the most sensitive member of our family. To know her is to love her.
5. Alicia - She has a very quite demeanor, but don't be fooled, she is full of passion. She is super smart and quick witted and hilarious (especially when you get her going.) I also love that she loves to visit. I always have company even if everyone else has scattered.
6. Tate - He's the baby of the family, which has it's up's and down's, but he is a very giving person. He is a super hard worker and he loves to give to others, whether it be by doing a favor or giving a gift. Don't try to just tack his name on a b-day or Christmas present, he's giving his own!
7. Marcita - I have know Marcita for a long time, but we have become really good friends in the last couple of years. She is my buddy, my BFF, my confidant, and my biggest fan. One of the most generous and humble people I know. And as Phillip says, "She's a TRUE friend." Yes she is. And I love her for it.
8. My Valley Kids Kindergarten Class - These kids are a HOOT! I look forward to Wednesday nights and can't wait to see them. They have reminded me how much I love to teach and I am thankful for the opportunity.
9. Valley Baptist Church - I said back in January that it felt like "home" and 6 months later that feeling has only grown stronger. Everytime I walk in the doors I feel like I am going to a friends house. I have never felt more welcome anywhere and I am honored to be a part of that fellowship.
10. Friends - I couldn't list everyone, but I am honored to call some of the finest people in the world my friends. God has truly blessed me by placing so many wonderful, Christian people in my life.

Well, there it is. My first Top 10 Blessings List. And there is not a single material thing on that list (not that I don't have many of them to remember, but that will come later.) But it is nice to see that the most important things in life are not things, but relationships.